April 27, 2006

Say It Ain't So, Daddy



Samantha just celebreated a quiet 100th birthday resting in her favorite spot snuggled next to Daddy Jim.

I woke up this morning at 4 a.m. and Samantha was cold and still. She didn't move when I touched under her chin and when I wiggled the blankie she was lying on.

As I lay there wondering how long I would have to wait for Jim to awaken, he stirred and reached out to touch Samantha as he always does.
I grabbed his arm and said, "No, she died."

But, just then Samantha lifted her head and rubbed her chin against his hand as she tried feebly to stand on useless back legs. Samantha must be on her 98th life!

Tell mommy "It ain't so!" she purred to Daddy Jim.

This picture was taken a few minutes ago.

Take Care on the Journey - However long or short it is!
~Love, Linda

April 21, 2006

Odds and Ends...




I still need to learn how to download pictures from the web. Any instructions would be appreciated. (Smile Sandy)

I'm off to work the night shift. See you later - right here.

Take Care on the Journey
~Linda

April 9, 2006

Sleepless in Columbus


At 11:30 p.m., I thought I was so tired I’d fall asleep before I could turn on the little fan beside my bed.

By 12:30 a.m., there are so many thoughts racing around in my head that they seem to light up the room!

Not surprising, because three nights a week I work all night at the nursing home. My body is perpetually tired and my mind is always on guard to stay awake. One would think I’d have a nice slow paced nursing job at last, but it’s unbelievable how extremely busy a nurse can be all night long. That’s one of my worries. There’s more responsibilities there than one nurse should ever be burdened with, but administration thinks it’s just a matter of organization – or disorganization - as is hinted at.

I have 40 patients and 30 assisted living patients on three wings that I run back and forth from as I pass meds, take vitals, change dressings, monitor feeding tubes, hang IV’s, and monitor conditions. I answer the phones, deal with irate families, take doctors orders and sign for the pharmacy delivery of meds. I enter nurses’ notes into the computer, get supplies from central supply and monitor the aides (who do not take the vital signs). If someone calls off, it’s my job to find a replacement. If a patient goes bad, it’s my responsibility to decide what to do about it. If someone dies, it’s my duty to call the family, the doctor and the mortuary. If we get an admission, I do all the assessment and admission papers. On the day shift, at least four nurses do admissions and three nurses work the halls.

The unit coordinator is trying to get administration to put additional nurses (or nurse) on nights. She asked me to write out the details of what I do. Maybe I’ll just cut and paste that paragraph on a note to her…

For instance, last week as I was making rounds at 4 a.m. and shining my flashlight on each patient, I noticed one didn’t look right. To make a long story short, she was having a diabetic reaction (low blood sugar) and was non-responsive. I almost hadn’t done that walk because I’d gotten a new admission and had been behind all night. (I don’t think other nurses take time to make rounds. I told Jim it was that angel on my shoulder again.) I called the doctor and gave a glycogen shot and brought her out of it. I’d rather have called 911 and sent her to the ER for that, but the doctor thought “we” could handle it there. Yea, he only had to say three words, “give the shot.”

Then there’s my book – still unpublished! I’m sure everyone thinks I forgot to send them a copy last Christmas (2005). Here it is the middle of April (2006) and I’m still wrestling with proper wording, long sentences, useless commas and those terrible semi-colons!

Here’s one for you. What’s the verb to use in this sentence? “The time-worn diary and its sister memoirs is/are the foundation for Linda’s book…Even the editors can’t agree!

Of course every sunrise brings the anticipation that Jim may get a call from one of his many job interviews! Should he just give up trying to obtain a permanent job with good benefits, take the retirement from Ohio and work part-time at the grocery store? Or, will the state job come through that he interviewed for last week. That meeting seemed to go so well! Today we drove over to Marysville where that job would be located. We looked at housing options? Should we rent an apartment again? Find a piece of property and try to build a little home? Rent a house in the country? Build a cabin in the woods? Stay where we are and travel one hour each way?

Jim and I often discuss Billy and Katy in the process of buying their first home. How exciting! I miss being there and being involved! I’d love to say, “Here, take this and go pick out some new furniture!” I’d never tell them this, but I divulged to Jim tonight that if Katy and Billy ever have my grandchild, I’d want to move to Portland.

I think Jim almost fell out of his chair (but he quickly checked himself). So, when Billy or Katy reads this blog, maybe they will fall off their chair – but they didn’t hear me say that anyway. The truth is, at last word, neither of my boys were opting for kids. But the real truth is, who knows about mother nature and human minds.

Actually, I surprised myself when I said that. But suddenly sitting there eating supper with Jim and quietly discussing our life and its options, that thought just seemed so comforting and the right thing to do!

“Well, I’m up to it,” Jim said.

I thought he was talking about the new job.

“We could sell most of our furniture and make the trip in sections.”

Opps, he wasn’t talking about the new job.

“I could get a nursing license in several states and we could stop and let me work along the way to pay for the move,” I countered.

“Just so we get a bed the same size as the one we have. Sheba and the cat would have a fit if we got a smaller bed,” Jim commented.

So, with those and other disquieting ideas and worries as I lay sleepless, I slipped out of bed. Trying not to disturb Samantha curled up between us, I slid to the foot of the bed so as not to disturb Sheba sleeping on her back on the floor beside the bed. Clicking the computer on and snapping open a diet Dr. Pepper, I sat down to decide if I’d surf the net or write on my blog at 1 a.m. in the morning.

Wow! How could I forget another “biggie”? My mom fell and broke her shoulder last week and is in a nursing home for a while! She’s 78 years old.

That information from a brother I haven’t talked to in over a year! Not that we don’t get along. Actually, our reunions are joyous occasions! But, they all live in Connecticut and everybody is busy. Mom is always on the go. And of course, we haven’t always been a ‘family’.

I got an email from my brother Billy “Bones”. You’ll read about him and the others in my book. I didn’t know he had my email address. My Christmas card, I guess. I always load the Christmas cards with all the information I can gather. He indicated that mom fell and was in the hospital. I emailed back with my phone number. (I didn’t have his.) Today he called and left a message while I was sleeping and then another message while Jim and I were out.

So, I called the number on the caller ID and we chatted longer than we’ve ever talked in our lifetime. (Reunions aren’t conducive to long discussions.) He updated me on my brothers and sister there. The nieces and nephews are growing and grown. They’re out on their own and having kids and going to college. …And, mom is really in a nursing home!

It’s the point in my life where I have to question my responsibility or lack of it with my mom. I surely don’t want another situation like I had with grandma where taking care of her took over my life. Actually, I found her (my mom) when she was 62 years old. How much responsibility should I feel? How much love should I feel? Ouch. That’s a question that could keep one awake at night!

Back to my book. We’re at the point where they made up a “Press Release”. My contract says they will send this out to 100 news sources. They sent a press release for me to approve. When I read it, I was HOT! It was inaccurate! It was terribly written! It wasn’t even in chronological order (Katy). I read the first sentence and blew up!

“In a cold attic, among forgotten relics and scurrying mice, a lonely girl poured her heart into the pages of a worn red diary.” (There were no relics. The diary was new at the time! I was not lonely! I was in pain!)

To make it worse, the instructions order me NOT to make any changes unless the title of my book or name is spelled wrong. I sat down and wrote them a letter that starts like this.

“It must be your job to write such a terrible press release that no one will request a book review. It will pique the interest of only those editors who will laugh at the poorly written, grammatically incorrect press release that flounders around so much one wonders if it’s really about a book at all!” (Another long sentence, but maybe they will get the point.)

I listed 14 mistakes I found in the one-page release! I ended by saying that I was going to rewrite it and if they rejected it, I would spend a good portion of my book signings, web sites and PR endeavors redirecting fellow writers to another publisher!

But I’m not sending the letter until they’ve finished with the 95 corrections I sent them last week.

Well, I’m still not sleepy at 2 a.m. Sheba is beside my chair dreaming of that rabbit again. (She always gets up when she hears the snap of the pop can. She knows that means I’m up for awhile.) Jim may be sleeping or he might be lying there wide-awake, as he often is these days.

He really doesn’t deserve this. He’s so good to me. (Even if he is forgetful at times.) My schedule sometimes gets us both confused. The other day he had an interview at 10 a.m. and I had an appointment at the college about my nursing program at 11 a.m. He forgot I had the appointment and took my car to his appointment. And, he didn’t kiss me goodbye when he left because he thought I was “work sleeping” which means “don’t wake me up for goodbye kisses or phone calls.”

So, ok. I got up and took his car. A tire was almost flat. The oil light came on every time I put my foot on the brake and the trunk was full of smelly trash. My cell phone, sunglasses and windy-day hair things were in my car.

When we were reunited in the afternoon, he started to apologize for forgetting that I had an appointment. I quickly pointed out that he had five things to aplolgize for - including not kissing me goodbye. But, I said I’d forgive all but the trash. Then I noticed that he had this look that said. "there's more." He had backed into a construction can and messed up the bumper of my car. He felt so badly (and it wasn’t his fault) that I didn’t get mad or cry. (I did pout a little.) Sometimes you just have to sing the words...."Some days are golden, some days are stone."


Back to, “He's so good to me.” When I get up from sleeping too long, he knows my back is hurting and spasms so badly, I can hardly move. He has the heating pad turned on and warm in the living room chair and runs to get my robe and help me into it. He opens the morning pop can and helps me ease into the chair where, after about a half hour of the heating pad, I’ll be able to start moving around by myself.

We had a bad encounter with Sheba this week. I took her out for a potty run and two big dogs attacked her. This lady upstairs always walks her big pincher-type dogs at the same time and she cannot control them. I saw her coming back in and tried to grab Sheba, but she kept walking toward us (she was late for work, she said) until her dogs ran up to Sheba. One grabbed Sheba’s neck and one grabbed her back end they all started a big fight.

They finally backed away when I hollered like a war Indian! I ran at them screaming although I was wearing slippers and couldn’t kick them. I believe Sheba gave in although that is not her style. Both of us women were in tears before it was over! Sheba was whimpering and holding her back leg up. The other lady said she’d pay for any vet needs and gave me her apartment number, but I was too upset to remember it! I told her that her dogs had hurt my dog and I ran inside with Sheba.

Jim was gone, so Sheba and I sat on the couch, both of us whimpering! Ching-Ching kept licking Sheba and alternatingly trying to get out the door (to get those dogs, I think.)

Well, Sheba got over it quicker than I did. Jim checked her out when he got home and we couldn’t find anything but a slight tender spot in her back leg. The lady and her husband came to our apartment that night to ask about Sheba and apologize. (I told her Sheba was still in pain! Jim suggested that she not try to walk both dogs.)

Today I’ve been searching the web for information on how to break up dogfights and how to best avoid it happening again. There’s good information out there. (Grab the back legs and pull and twist.) But, I’ll leave that for those who need to know.

Now it’s 3 a.m. and Jim just walked by. He’s awake too.

I still want to write a story about work, but this is already so long I’m sure nobody will read to the end.

If so, feel free to leave me a comment so I can know that it works!

Take Care on the Journey,

~Linda

March 19, 2006

A New Link - Book is being published!

Today I added another third blog called http://lindasbook.blogspot.com

This blogsite gives the introduction to my book, Dusty Angels and Old Diaries that will be out very soon now.

You may also find this information at the publisher's site. Go to http://www.authorhouse.com and click on the link at the top of the page called Book Store. Type in the author's name (Linda Meikle) and the preview for the book should open up. Soon you can order the book from a link at that site too.

Take Care on the Journey
~Linda

January 14, 2006

First Missouri Winter

Sandra and I lived in this house during long Missouri winters! The house wasn't this broken up back then, but as young teenagers, we were often very cold, hungry and lonely. We called this "David's House" because it was built by David Westbrook in the early 60's.

This is the first chapter of my second book, Attic Secrets. My sister Sandra, said she cried while reading this chapter because "every word is so true."


I knew my nose was icy cold before I even opened my eyes. My feet felt like frozen cubes of ice, and my hands were numb with cold. The house was silent with the absence of any modern electronics. I knew there was a reason why I didn’t want to open my eyes, but I couldn’t remember what it was. I strained my ears to determine the slightly muffled soft sounds that seemed to surround me.

After a few moments, I realized that I was hearing the faint splat of softly falling snow as it brushed against the dead leaves of the tree outside my window and landed on the tin roof above me.

With a sigh of relief, I became aware that the constant roar of a winter storm that had haunted my dreams all night, was gone. The small room was intensely silent and bitterly cold. The odor of cold mothballs, rotten Florida oranges and kitty poop permeated the icy air in the room. Slowly opening my eyes to stark white sheetrock walls, and gazing up at the heavy wooden rafters above me, it slowly filtered into my mind that I wasn’t waking up to a warm comfortable home anymore, and there would be no welcome toilet at the end of the hallway.

The small opened-ceiling room was cluttered with brown packing boxes of many shapes and sizes. Some of the boxes were torn open exposing a mix of contents thrown together in no particular order. The boxes were stacked almost to the rafters in places with a small path between the boxes leading out an open doorway to another room also filled with boxes.

Looking around me, I noticed the old Army blanket thrown across my bed had tiny ribbons of snow that had seeped in between the cracks of the shattered bedroom window during the night's winter storm.

Another bone-chilling day waited ahead. The Missouri winters wind would rip through my small coat that had no buttons as I would search under leaves and against large rocks for bits of firewood so%

December 23, 2005

Happy Holidays!




Thanks for taking a moment to visit my blogsite. It's the day before Christmas and all is quiet in our part of the planet. Billy and Katy will spend some quiet time at home in Portland while Philip and Shelley have gone to California to enjoy the company of relatives there!

The news is alive with reports of holiday travelors busy crossing the county to get home in time for Christmas where if one doesn't want to watch football or have money to go shopping, they may be slightly bored. I, for one, will be working at the nursing home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so Jim will wait beside the aging Christmas tree and give Sheba and Ching-Ching a good bone to chew on as they wait for me to return from work.

The local dentist pulled a front tooth gone bad, and now I'm adjusting to a small partial in my mouth that feels ten times bigger than it should be! Funny, I look normal but wait until I open my mouth to talk. A cute little lisp - where did that come from?

I've taken a dozen digital picture of our 9-foot tree to share with you but can't get the camera to let in enough light for a good picture. The small picture at the top of this note is what I hope will be the front cover of my book, "Dusty Angels and Old Diaries".


Hey guys, you can write me anytime! It's
lindasbook@usa.com

Take Care on the Journey,

~Linda

December 13, 2005

Second Book in Process. "Attic Secrets"

"Attic Secrets" is being created in my mind and looks to be an imaginary place to escape everyday stress, problems and people. There is no limit to what we will find in the different rooms, closets, nooks and crannies of our secret attic.

In your wildest dreams, during your lowest moments, after the greatest highs, you will always want to come back and climb the magic ladder into the welcome and accepting world of a magical, golden hideaway.

You can follow the progress of this new book at http://missourihideaway.blogspot.com

Save both of these blog sites in your favorites and check back often for new stories.



Take Care on the Journey!
I'll be back!

Linda

October 27, 2005

Ohio Fall Colors and Cabin in the Woods

Wake up! Let's run out and have some fun!
Golden leaves, apple cider and morning chill
Will only serve to give a thrill!

Restful colors in early sun...


Or, later when the day is done.


Follow life's path and be not afraid...


For heaven and earth are already made...

Jim and I jumped out of bed early this morning to catch these pictures before the rain came in. Hope you enjoy the photos taken 10-27-2005 in Columbus, Ohio.

Take Care on the Journey...
Linda

September 30, 2005

Berrien Springs and Old Timers


Berrien Springs, Michigan, USA


It seems that new blog sites and underground bloggers from my hometown of Berrien Springs are ‘springing’ up all the time. My blog is screaming for a chapter about the small town in southwest lower Michigan where my boys grew up and where I worked as a nurse, covered all the news events as a newspaper correspondent, took the official portraits of the Miss Berrien Springs Queen Contest, photographed hundreds of weddings in Berrien County, volunteered at the Berrien County Youth Fair for the American Red Cross and finally, served as the Oronoko Township Clerk for eight years.

I sometimes wonder if anybody in the Berrien Springs/St. Joseph area asks the question, “
Whatever happened to Linda Cash?”

When I was looking for someone to share the rest of my life with, I posted a message at Match.com in the Internet. Titled, "The Geese Are Ready for Winter and I Am Not," I soon met a true and loyal man from Columbus, Ohio. We were married 55 days later on November 23, 1997 at Waco Beach in Bridgman, Michigan.
We located in Columbus, Ohio where he had a good job with the State of Ohio. We’ve been married for eight wonderful years. I’ve written the book I always wanted to write about finding my mother and am registered to start the LPN to RN bridge program in the spring!

During my 20+ years in Berrien Springs, we raised our two fine young boys, Billy and Philip. They attended Andrews Academy, Berrien Springs High School, Andrews University and the University of Michigan! My youngest son, Philip Cash still lives in Berrien Springs and currently teaches for the Benton Harbor Schools. (He's also a substitute teacher for other schools in the area.)

When I left Berrien Springs, I was working for Teresa Lucas who had hired me as her staff nurse and later as her administrator for the former, Teresa’s Country Homes where I worked in harmony with Marian Mendel and a great team of caregivers.

I also enjoyed my elected position as township clerk for two terms (1992-2000). Ernie Hildebrand ran the township show then as he does now. David Ladd was still at the realm as township treasurer. (Rest in Peace). Kate Hebner was/is an efficient office worker at the township hall and Ruth Kesterke kept my entire voter registration files standing at attention. Sue Colby (before she retired from the township) was a loyal office manager, true friend and supporter. Village President Jan Chaudior worked hard for my election to the township clerk’s post, as did many others in town.

The Herald Palladium in St. Joseph kept me busy 24/7 for almost eight yeas as the Berrien Springs Correspondent. I hardly ever missed a fire tone on the scanner day or night. As a reporter, Kathy and I attended every village council meeting, townshp board meeting and the famous school board sessions. Fire Chief Bruce Stover presented me with a fireman’s long coat to wear on those cold winter nights when I would stand by the firetruck’s exhaust to keep warm while taking pictures for the newspapers. Police Chief Jim Kesterke gave me an award for always taking care of the injured before getting the story for the paper. Several people are alive today because I climbed into a wrecked car to start CPR before the ambulance from Medic 1 arrived.

It's amazing how secrets and mystery remain alive and well in Berrien Springs. Be assured, not much has changed! School Boards were recalled and protests raged as they continue to do now. The Village Officials and Township Board Members had a mutual distrust of each other although there were a few golden years when Robert Pagel was the Township Supervisor. I worked both sides of the fence because I was an active member of the SDA church at Andrews University and also worked in the community. I worked many places as a nurse including (the former) St. Joseph Memorial Hospital, Niles as an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) for the ambulance service and at Lee Memorial Hospital in Dowagiac. (I can say that name too).
My in-home photography business flourished as Magic Moments Photography. Specilizing in weddings and catering to many friends and families who wanted family pictures, I'm sure many of my pictures are still sitting around in family albums there. Once I made a 20x30 portrait of all the Berrien Springs Firemen that hung in the fire station for several years. I wonder where that photograph is today?

A few days ago I was in Berrien Springs for the weekend to visit Philip and Shelley. My ex father-in-law also needed help because his wife was ill, and Marian is editing my book. I drove by the old house at 4876 Highland Drive and was thankful that the little flower garden that my son, Billy, planted in the front yard is still there.
Our old house on Third Street still has remnants of the flowerbed we built in front of the house! But, the pink rose bush by the telephone pole and the sweet fragranced lilac bush by the kitchen window are gone. The swings Billy and Philip used to play on are broken and rusted brown, but the tall pine tree they played under is even taller and healthy.

As I drove around town remembering all the old familiar places, I felt like a stranger peeking into windows. I wondered if Bea Herman still lives there. Is she still involved in the pageant? What ever became of so and so - I can't believe I've forgotten so many names! On my final day there, I drove to the back of the new municipal building. (Why didn't we put in a drive-around parking lot?) I was a part of its planning process! My initials should be stamped in some secret spot of the cement!

Lake Michigan down in St. Joseph still sends waves crashing onto the sand, and sea gulls squall as they rise up and down with the water. Memories of quiet times and pictures of the lake in the summer, winter, spring and fall fill my photo albums. Maybe I’ll use one or two in my new book, “Dusty Angels and Old Diaries.”

My old editor, Tom Brundrett, would growl at me for leaving the most important part of my story for the last sentence. I wonder if he’s still growling at some reporter who starts a paragraph with a number and takes pictures of people's backside.

Here’s that goodbye to all those who I didn’t say goodbye to. I have missed many of you and wished I could see you again. Hi and welcome to the newcomers. And yes please take note that in Berrien Springs, they will always mix religion with most any subject matter.


September 25, 2005

Dementia and the Circle of Love

Circle of Love

The challenges of caring for those with dementia
by Linda J. Meikle, LPN
September 6, 2005

The phone rang while I was mixing a batch of chocolate chip cookies for my boys and their friends coming over to watch a football game on TV. Wiping the sprinkles of flour off my fingers, I answered with my usual cherry, “Helloooo. This is Linda.”

“Come quick! Mr. Black just busted the living room window with a chair and he’s in the kitchen looking for a knife. He’s real upset and won’t listen to any of us.”

My first response was a quick call to 911 for emergency assistance as I dashed out the door giving ‘finish the cookies’ instructions to Philip. I rushed the few blocks to my job at Teresa’s County Home where an irate elderly gentleman had suddenly become unmanageable and dangerous at the assisted living facility.

It was my responsibility as the Health Care Administrator to maintain order and answer all calls, medical or otherwise for three assisted living homes in our town. The owner had designated me as her Administrator for the 40-bed facilities after I had worked as her staff nurse for a few years.
We had developed a trusting professional relationship while she trained me for the position and monitored my ability to follow her lead before she and her family relocated to Florida.

Now it was my task to keep the other residents and staff of this 20-bed home safe from the outburst of a confused Alzheimer’s patient, and it would take delicate persuasive action on my part to see that the combative resident was not taken to jail, but to a medical facility where he could get proper assessment and treatment for his extreme confusion and agitation.

By the time I arrived, the police had the resident in handcuffs and in the back seat of the police car. A burly policeman had thrown a blanket over the man to subdue him. The shattered glass from the window glittered in the flashing red and blue police emergency lights. It appeared there would be no question where this confused elderly man would sleep that night.

I was relieved to see that the Chief of Police had responded to the emergency call and as he stepped out of his car, I followed beside him.

“Hey Jim. Guess your guys have to take this man to jail and lock him up?”

“Well, Hi Linda. Do you have a better plan?”

“As a matter of fact, I do. How about the mental unit at Memorial Hospital? It’s only a few blocks from the jail. I could call and get a direct admit order for you.”

The chief agreed that this irate man, now sitting calmly as if he remembered nothing of the past few minutes, would benefit far more with medical attention at the hospital but he explained that if the police took him anywhere, it would have to be to jail.

“I’ll take him in my car,” I offered, thinking quickly.

“That’s not very safe. I don’t think you should take a chance of him going off again,” Jim countered.

“Well, how about one of your Reserves ride with me?” I suggested.

“I guess we could arrange that,” Jim said as he glanced over at Ric, one of his best Reserves.

With all the legal issues mollified and thanking Jim for working with me on this one, I set off for a long night at the hospital. The chocolate chip cookies would be all gone and the game long over before I got back to my kitchen.

Since taking this job for Teresa’s Country Homes, there was never a dull moment in my life. The training classes Teresa sent me to had been very helpful in understanding dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. She had also provided management courses and I had spent many months under her tudor learning her high standards and the professional skills needed to assure the smooth running of these well-respected homes that provided around the clock care for the elderly residents of our town.

The largest 20-bed home was staffed with a supervisor and several aides day and night. A secure fence surrounded the well-kept yard and the gate was locked with a secret code to keep residents in and allowed staff and family unlimited access. All the facilities were exceptionally clean and maintained as home-like environment as possible.

Teresa had created detail instructions for every aspect of running an assisted living facility – from menus and recipes for each meal to details on how to clean the stove on a regular schedule. What to say when a resident was upset and how to respond to emergencies like this.
The homes were run like clockwork and rarely got any cites when surveyed by state officials. It was one of the most rewarding jobs I had every worked, but I had learned to anticipate the unexpected.

For instance, Mr. Black was a new admission this morning. When his daughter brought him to the home located on Main Street she had been impressed with the homelike appearance, family pictures on the walls, well trained staff, home cooked meals and friendly atmosphere. The other residents were clean and well groomed. Activities were going on in the family room and the porches that ran along the outside of the home were filled with rocking chairs and families visiting with their loved ones.

The daughter had been hesitant to give up the constant care of her father. But she had discovered that it was a daunting never-ending task to keep up with the increasing mood swings and disruptive behavior of a man who had always been a kind a gentle person and respected leader in the community.

As we completed what seemed to be an inordinate amount of admission papers, I noticed she looked exhausted and very close to tears. She said it had been many months since she had enjoyed a good night’s sleep or had any time to take care of herself.

“Dad wanders off every afternoon looking for mom and when I try to tell him she passed away some years ago, he argues with me like he doesn’t even know who I am,” she explained. “He seems to get real restless every evening. I can’t even get him to come in and sit down with us for supper, she said with frustration in her voice.”

I explained that this is called “Sundown Syndrome”, something very common with Alzheimer’s disease.

“We anticipate the increased anxiety and have extra staff from 4 pm to 9 pm for this reason,” I assured her.

Part of the admission process included asking many personal questions that most family members find difficult to answer. They don’t want to admit that a mom or dad who has been a loving parent, doting grandparent and independent adult now can’t find the bathroom and doesn’t recognize family members.

It’s part of my job to coax all the information we need to provide the most appropriate care, so I gently alternate between asking intimate questions and explaining how the dementia process works.

Most of the time family members don’t make the decision to find respite care, adult day care or adult foster care until all other recourses have been exhausted – including themselves!

Sons and daughters have witnessed the slow decline such as missed doctor appointments, not paying bills or keeping the checkbook up to date, getting lost while driving around town, and not taking their medicines.

Family members don't address these needs with parents or close relatives as they should because the reaction is usually denial and/or anger that someone is interfering in their business. Sometimes it takes a serious incident such as a car accident or kitchen fire for the family to decide that immediate action is needed. Even then, the person with early or mild stages of dementia will argue and resist any intervention.

In other situations, a spouse or child has tried to be the caregiver for too long hoping that things will get better until everyone is totally exhausted and totally out of control.
Many times I’ve asked a family member to go home and get some rest before trying to finish the admission paperwork.

Today Mr. Black’s daughter is anxious to finish the paperwork, write me a check and get out before her dad realized what she was doing. She still feels very guilty and does not understand why her dad has changed. She offered that maybe it’s his medicine or something medical that the doctors missed in his examination.

“Maybe in a few days we can take him back home, but last night he hit my husband and had a look in his eyes that I’ve never seen. We are really afraid he will hurt one of the kids,” she said.

I made a mental note to provide 1-1 staff for the night and call the doctor in the morning for additional assessments and medication review. This was going to be a challenging case, but not unusual for our business.

Assuring her he was in good hands and walking her to the car, I told her to go home and rest and not to worry about her father tonight.

“Someone will be with him tonight and we’ll take good care of your dad,” I said as I gave her a hug and held the car door open. It was still very difficult for her to walk away and leave her dad standing at the window looking out - but not waving goodbye.

“’Bye Daddy”, she whispered, her voice tight with pain.

Later, he had gone berserk, smashed our picture window, upset the staff and jeopardized his chances of living at our facility. It would be my job to inform the family, get the window repaired quickly and follow up on his medical care and possible re-placement.
Each day at Teresa's Country Homes brought different challenges, difficulties and rewards.

Yesterday it had been a heavy rainstorm that had knocked out the electric and water for a few hours. Two of the homes had water from a well that depended on electricity to provide running water. The staff had followed Teresa’s severe weather precautions and filled the bathtubs with water and started a specific supper menu to be used when the power was out, but no one had anticipated that workmen on the roof had left a downspout directed straight into the basement window!

I got a call that water was running into the basement that was living quarters for the resident managers, storage for emergency supplies and the laundry room.

Not knowing the cause or what mess I would find, I rushed over and discovered the culprit downspout! Getting soaked to the skin in the process, I quickly redirected the downspout and gathered some staff to help clean up the mess.
Sometimes it was a medical call in the middle of the night for someone who had fallen or was complaining of feeling sick. I would respond to examine them and determine if they needed to be sent to the hospital or if we needed to call for backup to help lift someone back to bed.

Some days I would meet the doctor as he made rounds and I would draw blood for testing or collect urine samples per his order. Everyday I monitored the pulse of the homes and made notations in the charts to keep the medical records up to date and ready for inspection on a moment’s notice.

Keeping the homes at capacity was a very important responsibility that Teresa expected from me. This information was included in a weekly report I faxed to her. Already my contacts at local hospitals were set in place and at least once a week I made my rounds of all the social workers making sure they had our brochures and business cards in good supply.

At Teresa’s, I actually looked forward to the state surveys. Back then, we knew that Jeremy would come armed with briefcases filled with new forms, additional forms and supplies of old forms! He would leave no stone unturned from the dark corners of the basement to the smallest chip on the kitchen counter. Teresa would challenge even the minutest deficiency and Jeremy would counter argue the slightest deviation but he knew that Teresa expected the same attention to detail that he did.

Teaching families and staff about dementia was an ongoing function of my job. Even at the homes where every employee was given a constant stream of information about the devastating effects of dementia, there was always a situation that caused frustration or complicated situations that needed my professional intervention.

Every home knew that when a resident became persistently confused and agitated, they could call me for advice or assistance. Many times I would be wakened in the middle of the night to assure a resident that her cat was safe at my house or that Johnny was on his way home.

Sometimes we washed and dried the same load of washcloths and towels so a resident would feel a sense of responsibility as she folded laundry over and over again. Others helped make beds or set the table many times a day.

One stage of dementia/Alzheimer's causes a person to be so forgetful that they feel obsessed to ask the same question repeatedly. Occasionally, it was difficult to always remain calm and tolerant when we had to repeat the same answer to the same question every few seconds. Or, the answer wasn’t satisfactory.

“Where is my coat?”
“It’s right here.”
“Oh thank you so much. Where is my coat?”
“I told you, it’s right here.”
“You don’t have to get smart about it. Have you seen my coat?”
“See it’s right here on this chair.”
“Well now, how did it get there? Have you seen my coat?”
“Here put it on. It’s right here.”
“I’m that not dumb. Have you seen my coat?”
“This is your coat right here.”
“That’s not my coat. What did you do with my coat?”

When the staff would call me in exasperation, I’d usually have to go to the home and distract the resident by taking them to another room and redirecting the conversation to an imaginary trip to the store in their Buick Sedan. We would need to stop and get a gas for 25 cents a gallon and pick up a loaf of bread that cost 10 cents a loaf. By the time we got ‘ready’ for the trip, I’d have the resident in his pajamas and tucked into bed.

Forgetting ones age is common with dementia. Many of our residents didn’t even think about their age but the conversation often revolved about living with mom and doing chores at home. Often a resident would become worried because a parent had not come in for the night or returned home from work before dark.
The only way to relieve those fears is to go into their reality and confront the pressing problem.

Explaining that dad had to help with a sick cow if the resident had lived on a farm; or assurance that “mama” was tending to a sick neighbor or helping birth a baby was often enough to calm an upset resident who was trying to figure out the combination to the gate and go find the missing parent.

Most family members have received very little education about dementia and Alzheimer’s disease from the family doctor. No one has warned them that on some days dad will seems to be fine and other times he has a completely opposite nature. We had some very good books that we loaned out, but more often it was my duty to deal with each family in their own way and help them understand that the dementia would probably not get better and promises that their loved one would never be put into a nursing home or left with strangers to care for them was not only unreasonable but would eventually be impossible to keep.

I encouraged family members to accept that they were not responsible for, nor could they change the course of the disease as the affected person withdrew into a private but distant world of his or her own.
Times like this often create family clashes and disagreements about who is in charge and what will be done. It is important that legal steps are taken to protect the rights of all involved.

Those with dementia usually don’t show awareness of the disease but they do try to keep up appearances in their struggle to be their own person. They become demanding and argumentive - often becoming abusive in language and demeaner.

In order to help the residents keep their dignity we often slipped play money into their pocket and tried to keep everyone dressed nicely all the time. Sometimes a good looking older man with advanced dementia would look and act so normal at the gate that someone would comply with his request to unlock the gate, or he would just follow a visitor through the open gate and start walking down the busy highway oblivious to frantic calls for him to come back or of the fast moving traffic.

Dealing with daily life becomes increasingly difficult as people suffering from dementia and Alzheimer’s disease become increasingly incompetent and insecure in normal daily situations.

Sometimes at first, the only signs of mild dementia are a facial expression that is perceived as penetrating and non-committal answers to common conversations that don’t belay the lack of understanding.

“Oh how nice” or “That’s good,” voiced inappropriately are subtle clues they can’t hide. Pictures of food pasted to the refrigerator, pictures of a toilet on the bathroom door and pictures of clothing tapes to the dresser are clues that something is not right. Keys that used to always hang on the peg are now left in the garage or even tossed into the trashcan. Cash may be hidden in the bag of cat food. The same clothing worn day after day. Notes and reminders posted all around the house. Forgetting to pay for groceries. These are all signs that must not be ignored.

One morning as I walked in the front door at one of the homes, I heard a woman screaming as if she was in terrible distress. Immediately I knew that ‘Betty’ was getting her morning shower. We had multiple problems with Betty in this area. First of all, she denied being incontinent (wetting her pants) and we usually replaced her soiled underwear during the night with fresh clean clothing while she slept.

The second challenge was getting her into the shower or to cooperate for any washing up that included getting near water. Many of our residents had a primeval fear of water. We decided it must be the instinctive urge to survive and everyone knows that one cannot breath in water. It is a great mystery and unique challenge that prevails when caring for the elderly anywhere.

Betty was frail and weak, so the quick warm soapy shower scream was short lived. I always dreaded coaxing strong-as-ox, but confused angry men into the shower. They didn’t scream but they usually yelled obscenities and fought like angry bears in the bath. A few times the staff have been injured while trying to give a male resident a shower or bath. We found that it helped to always have at least two staff in the bathroom at bathtime. One to bathe and one to distract!

Many times I’ve found children having to bear the responsibility of both parents showing signs of dementia at the same time. This is the greatest burden of all times and my heart always goes out to families who have this hardship to bear.

Strong capable fathers become childlike, defiant and uncooperative. Gentle, soft-spoken mothers are confused and angry. They scream vulgar obscenities and order everyone out of the room when families try to have a discussion about current problems. They become combative with others and with each other.

The children must pull together as one to make decisions that parents would never have wanted their children to make. Family ties that are weak will break with the strain. Marriages that are not strong may fall apart. Health issues become evident and take their toll. Money woes may become a formidable mountain.

I have seen it all in the faces of our clients as I’ve tried to weave a strong helpline for families who have to deal with dementia, Alzheimer’s, death and dying.
Eight years of close experience with caring for the elderly have provided me with a wealth of information that I long to share with others.

As a member of Teresa’s Country Homes, I received an education I could never have obtained in a more profound way. I loved every employee, every resident and family member there. We formed a bond and friendship with each other and that will never be broken. Our impact on the community was extensive, powerful and extraordinary.

We were rewarded when comfort took the place of loss and pain. Education brought power and healing. At the end of each day, there was pride and satisfaction for a job well done.

Eventually, the business was sold to another owner and I moved to another state when life changes occurred and my goals and dreams moved forward.

The complete autobiography of my life in “Old Diaries and Dusty Angels” is taken from 42 years of personal diaries and journals. It depicts the heartbreak and survival when abandoned by my parents as a young child in New York City. The desperate search for my mother and pivotal moment when I found her.

It describes in shocking detail, the tenacious determination to protect my younger sister from our vicious, violent grandmother who raised us in perilously poor living conditions.

My book tells of the incredible stamina to survive, unusual resourcefulness to put myself through nursing school, a steadfast but failed resolution to make a bad marriage work and a sincere mother’s love and devotion to my children.

An entrepreneurial at heart, and not wasting a moment in this short lifespan of time, my book details the hard work and effort it took to win an elected position in my town, establish a profitable photography business and become a successful newspaper correspondent while never giving up my first love of serving as a dedicated, caring, skillful and competent licensed practical nurse.

I welcome your comments or questions at my listening post: lindasbook@usa.com
Take Care on the Journey,
Linda