As I begin to reflect on what will be in my Christmas Letter this year, I’m reminded that many changes have occurred in 2006, but some things have not changed at all, and many things are going to change for all of us by Christmas 2007!
While my book, “Dusty Angels and Old Diaries” has not made me rich, I been told that it has enriched several lives! In fact, my mother seems to have made more money with the book than I have! She loans it out for $5 and has made $40 while my first six months publishing checks total $12 – the cost of 1 book!
I rejoyce that I've been able to give away over 100 books and several have purchased autographed books directly from me. So every other day or so, I hear from women who've read the book who tell me they have identified with many of the challenges Sandra and I faced in our life! We wish we could sit down and share more of our experiences and reflect on how our journey has merged in so many ways!
Dusty Angels and Old Diaries seems to open a window of our life that we have tried to keep closed. Suddenly we find that we share something we thought was ours alone. That part where we need a little extra courage to get up each day, and we push a little harder to show the world we are strong when in fact, we wonder how strong we are!
We also share the same restlessness of spirit and constant struggle to quell a strange feeling of aloneness. The only name doctors can come up with is 'depression' but I don't think that is what it should be called. I doubt we are depressed, but it takes a little more strength to rise above the feelings of guilt that are a result of old hurts, and a higher expectation of ourselves than we can always achieve!
Dusty Angels serves to fulfill my desire to give back to others in an effort to feel better about myself. My family will recall that my favorite words are, “I got you something” (after, I Love You).
It's a real good feeling to know that when someone indicates a need for a warm fuzzy – I can give them the book with a hug and word of encouragement!
From my own personal experience, women who appreciate Dusty Angels the most, are the type who rarely do something extra nice for themselves. If you look carefully, it shows in their tender emotions and their need to take care of others above themselves!
Something that stands out from my years of therapy with Dr. Berecz (Chapter 41) was a session where he almost insisted that I empty his little office trash can. I didn’t understand why he was being so unusually stern with me. I almost got up to empty the trash until he pointed out that these same actions were an indication of my entire life. I was always taking care of others, giving no thought for myself while doing so. "Even inwardly resenting it", he said.
“If you say “yes” to others, you are saying “no” to yourself,” he would often remind me.
Today I'm still lax about taking time for myself. I realize all too well that now it is absolutely vital that I take care of my health. I need to take time to walk and exercise. To prepare healthy food. To drink lots of water and get proper rest. To meditate and relax. To develop a reasonable work schedule. To set goals and be firm about meeting them. I plan to set these goals for 2007!
I feel so much better about myself when I keep my nails pretty and my hair shining with my favorite color, but find that if I'm not careful, I'll keep putting it off. Regular doctor's appointment would never be kept if I didn't need a refill on my meds every three moths. Personal time are those few moments when I waken in the morning and, if I don't have to jump up for work, lie still and reflect on why I am here.
Or, while driving, I talk to the angels and ask for a sign that I'm not forgotten in the universe. Yesterday I asked for a white feather as a sign - and suddenly noticed a whole field of those white dandelion seeds that blow in the wind....in the middle of WINTER! So much for A FEATHER! At first I thought it was left-over snow from yesterday!
I never spend money on the 'nice' blouse, but choose the second favorite. If something needs to be taken from the basket, it's that little something I selected for myself. Does that sound familiar? I go the extra mile in shoes that hurt my feet. Even after all those years with Dr. Berecz and even after finally writing my book, I find myself getting bogged down with "other people's stuff".
To all my women friends. Some who might read this website, but most will never see this, I urge you to remember you are the special one. You are loved! You can take time for yourself and feel good about it because it is GOOD for you.
To my friends: Tania, Juanita, Allison, Marian, Sue, Katy, Fran, Betty B., Anne, Charlene, Cyndi, Cindy, Sandy, Johnnie, Kathryn, Allison, Elaine, Denise, Alison, Gracie, Loretta, Rose Marie, Marilyn, Susan, Tammy, Mary, Amy, Carrole, Traci, Pat, Pricilla, Mary #2, Mrs. Stone, Oprah, Dena, Barbara, Cheryl, Melanie, Tina, Betty, Bea, Judy, Sherrie at C.B, Sherrie at F.W., Wendy, Sharon, Michelle from RC, Michelle in BS, Terri in S.C, Renee, Nicole, Wanda at N.A., Wanda, Nola, Diana, Diana's sister, Jodi, Judy, Dorothy, Dorothyann, Mrs. K., Edna, Kathy from the J.E and Kathy in B.S, AnnaMarie, Linda T., Lorna, Betty B., Lydie, Shelley, Joyce and Debi.
To those women who have read my book and those who will read it in the future….Please Take Care of Yourself ~ You are Special!
I know, because I'm special too!
Take Care on the Journey,