June 19, 2010

Grandma's House

The deposit has been paid on the new place in Denver. The Penske 26-foot truck as been reserved for July 30th. Most of my clothes are already packed. Boxes are piled high in the closet.

So, why do I feel so incredibly sad when I think of moving? Why am I having these second thoughts?

Here are three good reasons…Zach, Kammi, and Collin. Today three of our 'grandkids’ came over for the afternoon.

When they left, I cried. I felt a deep, deep, sadness that was difficult to explain to my concerned, hovering, hubby.

I might never see those precious children again!!!! Really. We say that they will come to visit in Denver. We promise to fly them out in the summertime. But, our relationship is based on the fact that they call me grandma whether I am their real grandma or not!

Collin is 12-years old, and today was my first time to meet him! By legal standards, we aren’t related, but already I feel like he’s been my grandson all his life! He asked for the book I wrote (because all the other grandkids have one), and I wrote in it, “I expect GREAT THINGS from you. Love, Grandma Linda”.

Collin’s mom used to be my stepson’s girlfriend, but Collin was born before John was her boyfriend. Now, Collin’s mom and John continue to be friends, and all of her children hang out with John when they are with their mother.

Of course, John considers me more his mom than his real mom, although his real mom who adopted HIM is alive and well in the local area. She has abandoned him, and John hasn’t seen her in about 20 years!

That reminds me of the fact that my dad was legally my brother after our grandmother (his mother) adopted my sister and me. For a fact, both of my grandparents adopted us, but grandpa was her second husband and not the father of our dad, so I guess that made our step-grandfather our legal dad.

We just called them grandma and grandpa and left it at that.

My dad was still “daddy” the occasional times I went to Tampa to visit him.

After I had children of my own, no one ever mentioned the adoption. Were they his grandchildren or his nephews? My children may not even remember “Grandpa Brantley”.

Maybe that’s why the events of today have affected me so!

John and I took the three kids to ChuckE Cheese where they enjoyed cheese pizza, challenged each other at video games and collected over 800 tickets for extra trinkets and toys. Later, we took them to the pool at our complex where they splashed and played with John until the last minute before they had to leave for “home”.

It almost broke my heart when little Zach had to pack up all his toys, blankie, good shoes, and ‘church clothes’, because by the time he comes back from spending the summer with his ‘dad’ in Tennessee, we will have moved all the way to Denver, Colorado.

I can’t explain this great grief that has filled my heart and challenged me to rethink something that has been so meaningful as this move to Denver. We have been so pleased with the prospect of relocating where I am promised a good job, and we will be closer to at least ONE son. (But further from the other sons?)

We love what we have discovered about our new home and all the exciting places we have always wanted to visit.

So tonight I have decided, and ‘Grandpa Jim” agrees with me, that I will go to Denver on Monday (June 21-23) as planned. I will have my job interview and visit the new apartment. However, I will do all this with an “open mind” knowing that it’s not too late to change our mind.

If the job is what I think it is. If the pay is what I think it should be. If the apartment is as perfect as it looks. If the local community is as beautiful as they say it is, and I am entirely comfortable with the reasons we have for making this move, I will believe it is our life’s design to move on.

If not, “Grandma’s House” will remain right here in Columbus, Ohio.

Grandchildren’s laughter will return on the weekends. I can run over to Edith’s place with coupons on a moment’s notice. Bonnie may say hi for a minute as we pass in the foyer. Nikki will continue to make sure I get all those extra coupons. Buffy and I can have long talks over an early morning breakfast. My chiropractors, Dr’s Greg and Heather will be only a phone call away when my back gets bad. Our wonderful family doctor will make sure that hubby can sleep at night. The deer will find corn in the back yard. The cat can watch the birds from the window. I can plant a flower garden by the front door, and watch my Morning Glories climb to the top of the roof.

My “final decision’ will be by the end of this week (June 25) when I return from Denver. Stay tuned.

Take Care on the Journey,
Your Friend in Life,

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