May 25, 2006

The Perfect Adam and Eve

The Perfect Adam and Eve - Part 5

This is written with tongue-in-cheek. I’ve not lost my mind. Just putting my ideas into a playful reality. Enjoy…but keep in mind...You may be the one in need someday. What ending do you want?

Let’s skip putting everybody to bed at our No-Name Nursing Home, Anytown, USA. I think you get the picture from my previous posts.

I’ve been informed that several investors have approved lending my company unlimited funds to establish a completely privately owned and operated facility.

You know the name: "The Adam and Eve Care Center". Or, is it "The Adam and Eve Place" ? Well, there’s still time. The employees may vote on this matter.

I’ve already hired several key employees who are meeting with me everyday as we discuss the exciting next few weeks.

Please note, my intent is not to create a sense of "richness" but to design an envirnment where the right people can have the freedom to make a difference for others!

These are the benifits I think all health care employees deserve. Medical Insurance is provided 100 percent. There is one four-week vacation each year with one paid round trip to any place of your choice. Unlimited education at any leval may be taken at any time. All educational costs will be picked up by the Company.

Administrators are expected to keep Tuesdays free for information and training meetings with Miss Linda, Mother of All Administrators. Training schedules will be e-mailed . If you are not on the schedule for that Tuesday, you may have the day off for leisure activities.

A mandatory round-table staff meeting will be held every Monday at 5:55 p.m. A daily fill-in-the-blanks report for your department should be e-mailed to Miss Linda by 6 p.m. every day except Tuesdays and Saturdays. All Administrators are on-call for specific departments 24/7, but hours are not recorded or regulated.

Here are the current Key People.

Ohio Gopher Jim - Administrator of Accounting, Networking, Grounds and Pets. Chief Advisor to Miss Linda, Mother of All Administrators.
Redneck John - Administrator of Two-Men-And-a Truck.
Lil' Sis Sandy – Special Assistant to the Mother of All Administrators! Advisor to Maid Services and Special Delicacies Cooks. All work may be done by e-mail from anywhere USA.
Gun Totin Craig – Keeper of the Wine Cellar. Administrator of Security. Special Assistant to the Special Assistant to the Mother of All Administrators. May be required to travel to exotic places with the Assistant to the Mother of All Administrators.
Big Bark Sheba - Assistant to the Administrator of Security. Master to the Mother of All Administrators. Special Assistant to the Spanish Translator. May have bones of choice in leu of pay.
Thrifty Katy – Administrator of Music Therapy. Advisor to the Decorators and Natural Foods Cook. Special Aide to the Educational Administrator.
Earthboy Teacher Billy – Assistant to the Grounds Administrator. Educational Administrator and Spanish Translator. Advisor to the Mothers of All Administrators.
Special Assistant to the Advisor of Natural Foods.
Gameboy Teacher Philip – Special Needs Education Administrator. Assistant to the Educational Administrator. Advisor to the Speciality Cooks. Special Assistant to the Mother of All Administrators. Special Assistant to the Web Page Designer.
Homemaker Shelley – Assistant Administrator and Advisor to the Special Needs Education Administrator. Administrator of the Company Web Page Design.

Trusty Floyd - Maintenance Administrator. Assistant Music Coordinator. Administrator of Religious Services. Advisor to Natural Foods Services.
Gentle Tania - Administrator to Nurses Aide Services. Advisor to housekeeping. Special Assistant to the Religious Services Administrator.

We are still seraching for an Administrator of Physical Therapy to lead that department into the 21st Century.

All other positions are considered General Employee. The hourly pay and benefits are the same. The pay rate is is $25/hr. No overtime is allowed. (Staff are human and need to feel refreshed!)

All general employees get free uniforms, meals and day care. Free Pre-school through 6th grade education for day shift employees is provided on grounds. Medical Insurance is provided 100 percent from day one of employment. Transportation is provided to and from work with 24-hour notice and on an emergency basis. Tips and gifts from family memebers are acceptable. Each employee is entitled to 2-weeks vacation a year with one month notice. Birthdays are a paid day off. Each General Employee is given a free one-week pass to Disney World and round trip airfare for up to six people.

We are currently accepting applications for the following General Employee positions. Working conditions are condusive to excellent standards of care.

Laundry Services – Uniforms and coveralls provided. All laundry is in washable bags so there is no sorting of dirty laundry. 4-8-hour shifts anytime.

Housekeeping/Maid Service – State-of-the-art cleaning machines and supplies will be used. Uniforms provided. 4-8-hour shifts anytime.

Shift Cooks – Recipes and top-quality ingredients guaranteed for every meal.
Delegate Cooks – Aide to the cook.

Servers/Dishwashers – Dishwashers are the most modern available. Human hands do not touch dirty dishes.

Specialty Cooks – Create tempting delights fresh for each meal.

Dining Room Specialists – Assist one on one. No forcing patients to eat.

Bathroom Supervisors – Make the bathing experience tranquil and beautiful. No noisy showers. Comfortable temperatures. Body massages available. Unrushed and pampered.

Decorators – Design unique individual rooms and create beauty inside.

Grounds/Gardens – Flowerbeds, enclosed fountains, waterfalls, outdoor gardens for planting and growing food.

State Certified teachers and assistants for pre-school - sixth grade. See handbook.

Entrepreneurs for the employee/resident mall. Space cost based on profits.
Garden keepers and nature lovers are welcome.

Volunteers: Retired teachers, nurses, doctors, cooks, seamstress, housekeepers, homemakers, musicians, photographers, artists, attorneys, bookkeepers and all professionals who want to share the memories and skills with residents and employees of our facility are welcome.

Certified Nurses Aides – In house training provided. Teamed up with a seasoned employee. No more than one 8-hour shift in 24-hours. No overtime. Report to Assessment Nurse. Nursing and aide shifts will overlap by one hour each way for smooth transfer of care. Most remember the Golden Rule at all times.

Medication Nurses - Nothing but meds. Keep meds organized and up to date for each resident. Pass meds to no more than 12 residents. Summary charting once a week. Benefits same as Nurses Aides. Pay rate starts at $35/hr with monthly raises based on evaluation by Mother of All Administrators. Excellent PR skills required. Respect and loyality expected. No gossip or backtalk allowed. Remember, "The customer is always right".

Treatment/Bedside Care Nurses – Evaluate need for treatments and provides daily skin and wound care. Documents same. Benefits same as Medication Nurses. Four-hour shifts on each shift. Assist with bathing as needed while doing skin checks.

Coordination of Care Nurse – 24/7 staffing. 8-hour shifts. Makes out aide assignments. Works hands-on with aides to ensure sure each resident is getting all the appropriate care they need at all times. Provides constant orientation and training. Takes all breaks with her aides. Writes monthly reports and comendations on each aide for Miss Linda. Is not allowed to sit at the nurses station during work hours. Must possess "angel skills" in dealing with conflict and stress.

Desk Nurse 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. 8-hour shifts. Answer medical calls. Directs staff communication. Take doctors orders. Answers family inquiries. Provides good sense of humor and spoils everyone with compliments and positive thinking. Keeps dark chocolate candy in good supply. Stocks staff refrig with noursihing and not-so-nourishing snacks and goodies. Keeps the break room tidy, cheery and light. Reports any concerns to Miss Linda immediately. Benefits same. Expectations greater!

Scheduling staff person. Organizes all staffing. Delegates scheduling for other departments and enters all into computer program. Must be anal and detail oriented. Able to multi-task. Possess the patience of a saint. Holds no grudge and doesn't believe any excuse she is told. Keeps a paid on-call staff aide and nurse on stand-by for every shift. Supervises schedule 24/7. Pay is $35/hr with same benefits as nursing. Any call-offs will be reported immediately to Miss Linda. The employee may be dismissed on the spot and on-call person called in.

Assistant Scheduling Person - Covers days off and vacation for Scheduling Person. Pay is $35/hr with benefits same as nursing.

The physical facility will be constructed like a large wheel with the center circle housing offices made to order for each supervisor. The inner circle will also include a 24-hour child-care facility where all family members can gather to meet for meals and breaks. A fully accredited grammar school will provide free education to employees' children from pre-school through 6th grade. There will be a mini-mall (vendors invited) and a 24-hour food court - free to employees and residents.

The outer part of the wheel will be a circle of specialty units that include at least the following:

Alzheimers/Safe and Secure:
All units are in an unbroken circle for safe wandering. Beds are constructed on a lift that can make the bed even with or below floor level for safe sleeping. Showers are like a walk in a summer rain with "rain rooms" and warm walk-in tubs. There are "sleeping nooks" for quiet restful sleep 24-hours a day. The outer halls ways are enclosed with windows to the outside but with camaflaged doors that have 24-hour security. (No fighting to keep residents inside. The residents cannot 'see' the doorways.) There is no "day and night" schedule. Catered food and snacks are available 24-hours a day. A doctor who speclizes in Alzheimer medicine is on-call to provide sedation as needed for the agitated and other emergency meds as needed.

Assisted Living/Freedom From S
tress: Everything is free. Housekeep and laundry services will be provided. Meals: Pick-and Choose. One-on-one staff for selected hours. Transportation provided on request. Groceries delivered. Meds in-house. Nurse on call. Doctor on-call. Pets allowed. Pet sitting available.

Golden Years/No Worries: 24-hour supervision for care as needs progress. Couples may stay together. Pets are allowed. Same as assisted living except whirlpool baths and body massages are available anytime. Meds may be set up and/or administered. Assistance with bathings offered. Beauty appointments are free. Manacures and pedicures are provided. Pets are taken outside on a 4-hour schedule if needed.

Beyond Words/Total Care/Bedfast. The inner circle of care. Private and intense care as needed. No set structure - staff provide care according to the needs of each individual patient. Comfort care with dignity. Ratio is 2/1 at all times to provide constant comfort and assistance to family members.

Join us on our journey

Take Care on your Journey,

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