March 16, 2007

Angelwings - Not In this Dream!

All my life I have, at unexpected times, had the same dream. As I reflect back, it's usually during times of intense emotional stress such as grandma's wrath and damaging physical force against my body with a sharp object. Or, when deep distressing issues are being demanded from my mind.

I don't have wings, as pictured here . Nor do I feel anything like an angelic being, but I am transported back to some ancient time when people were capable of transporting themselves up into the sky and away from danger or trouble! There's a secret physical-ness about and in our bodies, that if one could only remember how, we could lift our arms into the air and with a strange wiggling of the fingers, could make our bodies become weightless and able to float upwards or downward. There's always a moment of faith and confidence when one has floated to a great height and needs to return to earth, that one will not crash land in a downward rush. But in all my dreams, this has never happened!

Night before last this dream occurred once again and it was related to yesterday and today. Jim's Aunt (who died last year) called me to answer a call for help out on the highway at a simple traffic accident that could have easily become dangerous. A truck pulling a trailer had lost it's load during a tire blowout. I was able to safely transport myself over the objects in the highway and gently remove them before fast moving cars and trucks hit them.

Next, there are paralysed patients being given water therapy. While in this fast flowing river, the patients can move and swim. But, there are dangerous objects under the water that they can't see. I'm able to float overhead and call out places they should avoid to be safe. At one point, I warn them of a large black spider with many sharp tentacles that waits on the right hand side of the river to sting them.

Then, I'm helping with a simple chimney problem where smoke is being prevented from coming out the chimney top because of large rocks that are obstructing the opening. It's a simple slow-motion upward drift to the tall rooftop, but the interesting part is that moment of indecision when it's time to get back down. In a leap of faith, I am once again satisfied that I will arrive safely back to earth as my weightless body sinks to earth.

This dream is perhaps once again activated because of several significant decisions we're making about our life today.

We invested time and money into EnglishRose Studio. Now the physical plant is being dismantled. It's heart wrenching to see this happen to my happy dreams of working a busy photography studio again. In fact, Jim has done most of the heavy moving, saving me the added grief and sadness. After one hard day of labor and six Tylenol for pain, he has moved most everything out.

And we wait once again for the final news after another job interview that indicated he would be asked to take the position. But, of course, the last step has not taken place in that official written offer. Maybe today we will know about that. Or, maybe nothing and we must decide at what point he is not going to get the job...

At my second job, Maxim asks when I'm going to be able to work for them full time. "We could work you everyday," Lee said yesterday. At the nursing home job, I stay so busy the time goes by quickly and the money is good. But mentally I'm stressed beyond belief! (And oh my aching feet!) Right now I'm selfishly working both!

Then there's beautiful Virginia and our friends Olive and Duane. They have offered an opportunity to live on their little 'farm' with Jim helping finish several building projects in exchange for rent. (To make a long story shorter.)

Now, one should take note here that Olive and I share many dreams! Not of flying, but of helping others and using our talents to give back some of what has been given to us. Our emails fly back and forth as we discover more and more ways that we think alike. (Somewhat like my sister Sandy and Wendy have discovered.)

The question is: Should we pull up roots and take the offer from Olive and Duane? (Pulling up the roots is never easy. Remember pulling up those tall plants with little thorns on each branch and long deep roots from the garden?) We have made so many difficult decisions since Jim and I got married, but we feel that in each one we have not made mistakes, but learned lessons we would have never known had we not been willing to take the chances that came along.

There's no pressure from Olive and Duane to make this choice. They believe help will come to them, but it does not have to be us. I just keep wondering if this will take the pressure off for me to have to work so hard at nursing for us to make ends meet? Maybe it will open opportunities for me to do more things I enjoy such as new photography opportunities, helping with community projects and being a part of a community of friends - none of which I have here!

This is work that Jim is good at. Experiences he has enjoyed in the past. And, it's not the exhausting 8-5 city job that has always beat him down.

While we do not have to make an immediate decision, and we will not make any new move quickly, it is heavy on our minds and has an anxious awaiting.

On the downside, Sandy has some major objections and concerns that she has promised to be very vocal about. (See comments soon.) Billy has encouraged us to think wisely and not make any sudden moves. Philip didn't call me back yet so I could inform him of what's happening, so this will be a new information for him. Katy always has sound advice (and maybe more questions). Others are welcome to comment on how you see this picture and offer new thoughts. (If you can fly, special consideration will be applied to your comments!)

All of us are on the same journey but not always on the same path, so we are open to honest objectivity and direction, but we know the final ending is up to me and Jim.

Take Care on the Journey,

~Linda

3 comments:

Clay Feet said...

Well Linda, I'm glad you are sharing your plans and questions in real time. Most people are not brave enough to open themselves up to input especially in such a public way. However, I certainly am not about to give you direction as to what you should do even if on occasion I have been able to fly in my own dreams. (I also have flown real aircraft when awake but that is not nearly as liberating or exhilarating)
We too have faced major moves and struggled with momentous decisions and agonized over what to factor in and what to ignore. We feel like we may even be coming up on that situation again possibly.
About all I can say is, take into account what will have potential to create an atmosphere around your lives that will encourage your heart to thrive and expand and deepen. And while there will seldom be a place or environment that will be stress-free and without problems, there are certainly situations where there can be a reduction of needless aggravations and unnecessary drains on your energy. I believe there is nothing wrong, when given the option, to seek to change your surroundings to be part of a more life-giving atmosphere so that you can mature and thrive in a healthier environment. If it is right to create the best soil possible in which seeds can thrive and flourish in our garden, then the same should be true for our hearts and souls as well.
Where that place is will at a given point in our lives may be discovered by being open and honest, listening to your heart and also being open to the voice of God Who desires more than you do for all of us to flourish and become fully alive.
I know that both you and your sister along with a lot of the rest of us have had our times of institutional disappointments to put it very blandly. The intentions may have been very sincere but the implementation and methods applied sometimes became extremely counter-productive. But the past does not always have to equal the future. We were designed for community. We cannot thrive outside of heart to heart fellowship with other people. All of us to a lesser or more intense degree crave this, and rightly so. So I pray that you will find and contribute to an environment that will not only bring life and courage and energy to you and Jim but where you will find opportunity to share the same for others.

Linda M. said...

I’ll give credence and thought to your good words. Helen Keller once said, “One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.”

The Cat's Meow said...

I read where Jim was in lots of pain just cleaning out the studio. How can you expect him to do home repairs, paint, and general maintances? You have been at those SDA places, (Laurelbrook & Wildwood), where all you do is WORK!!!! They keep wanting you to do more & more and are never happy with the amount you do. I know you said yopu'd be working at a nuring home, is that a real NH or a SDA nurings home?
Craig put in a stereo in his car 35 years ago & it took only a few hours. He put a stereo in my car and it hads taken days. Not because it was harder to install, but because he is OLDER!!! I know you work way to hard and you want Jims help, he is aleast getting his retirement now & that should help.
Sometimes money isn't everything, now that I'm not working we have cut back on things but being unemployed is GREAT!!
Then theres the fact you no longer go to church and Jim is a Pagan. I guess you could be thier church mission to try and save the two of ya!! haha
I put my two cents worth in today, sure I'll have more to say later.
Stepping on and killing the snake should be an omen to get the hell out of there.