Perfection and Loneliness are Intimately Related

New Directions – Notice the “s” in directions. Today is the first day of new directions for me and for the family as well. Jim started a new job this week. It was fantastic to kiss him off this morning and lock the door behind him instead of the other way around as it’s been for the last 3 years or so!

Of course I’m still ‘working’, but it’s in new directions that I’ve wanted to go for some time! Yesterday was my last ‘regular’ day at the nursing home where those 12-hour+ days were literally killing me – at least my hips, back and feet were killing me anyway. Don’t get me wrong. I love taking care of my patients, and some I will miss dearly. When a few family members realize I’m not going to be there, they may fuss a little, but time marches on and they will get accustomed to new faces.

Some co-workers hugged me good-by so hard it hurt my ribcage. Others had to have one last “spat”, and many didn’t even know they wouldn’t see my smiling face around the place after yesterday. If the D.O.N knew, she never let on. It was business as usual for her as she passed me in the hallway and gave a few orders about the new computer program and walked on. She isn’t the cheery, “How are you today, Linda” person. I missed that in a supervisor, but it was my expectations that caused the disappointment – not her.

Most surprising was the wonderful ‘camaraderie-like’ attitude from my immediate supervisor who only last month wrote me up in a stinging, disrespectul manner about things that were totally false and even out of character for me. It was that last write-up that caused me to fear for my license and pushed me to get out of there. I believe she thought she was doing the right thing based on what others had told her without finding out the true facts - or even all the facts!

Last Christmas my sister gave me one of those Calendars for Busy Women, and sometimes there are quotes that I’ve really enjoyed and related to. The one for yesterday, March 27, 2007 is one I’ll cut out and paste on my wall. It says, “Perfectionism and Loneliness Are Intimately Related.”

Perhaps I’m too much of a perfectionist. Actually I’m quite the perfectionist! That’s what makes me tick, but it does get me into trouble with others who don’t have a clue what a perfectionist is! My troubles always seem to revolve around me trying to get those I supervise to be organized, stay busy and abide by the rules. When I told several aides they had to get off the phone and not sit at the desk so much, the whole establishment revolted against me. (Shock-Shock).

How did I get to be the “bad person”? But, I was! I got wrote up for being “unprofessional” “lazy” and “disorganized”. Ha! Everything I pride myself in being!!!! Funny how life works that way!

My last month at the nursing home was pretty much a new me! I didn’t push for perfection! I enjoyed the camaraderie of my co-workers even when they were sitting at the desk reading the newspaper. When they talked on the business phone and on their cell phones, I called home on the business phone and answered personal calls on my cell phone! They took breaks and I took the same breaks and forced myself to stay the allotted time. I took shortcuts in my charting (like everyone else) and didn’t clean out the med cart and empty the trash on every shift. If meds needed to go back to pharmacy, well that job belongs to the night shift! If the doctor didn’t call for his board, I didn’t call him to ‘give him his board’. If I had enough supplies for my shift, I didn’t go looking for supplies for the next shift. I didn’t rush to get the meds passed in record time (dare I say “on time”?) and sipped a cup of hot chocolate while I passed meds early in the morning. The list could go on forever!

Actually, I was getting used to the rather laid-back disorganization and pleasant relationships I was developing with my co-workers. Perhaps now that I’m 56-years old, I should learn new habits and better ways to relate to people. Is that what the world is coming to - or has it been that way all along? I am by nature the perfect Virgo - The Perfectionist. How about this quote from the Internet…

Virgo

Modest and shy

Meticulous and reliable

Practical and diligent

Intelligent and analytical
Fussy and a worrier

Overcritical and harsh

Perfectionist and conservative

I don't expect I'll change universal law! But, it was nice trying!

Take Care on the Journey,

~Linda

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